I'm not ready for school to start.
Never mind that we just completed our second week of academics. I'm still not ready enough. I don't think I'll ever be ready enough.
I'm sure having a beautiful homeschooling planner would buoy my spirits. I'm positive a nifty spreadsheet for the year would be exceedingly reassuring. Even better, a complete set of boxed curriculum with every thing needed neatly packed inside would surely give me peace. No money left over, but surely the peace of mind would be worth it. Or maybe I should just pack them all off to the neighborhood elementary school and be done with it. Then I wouldn't have this nagging guilt from 7:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. that my kids should be strapped to their chairs with No. 2 pencils duct taped to their hands.
No doubt about it, I'm not only not ready enough, I'm just plain not enough. I have insufficient patience, insufficient energy, insufficient resources and an insufficient number of limbs to do the job that I have set for myself. I need at least two more sets of hands. At least.
But all this is okay.
Because I need to be reminded that I am not sufficient in myself to think anything as of myself or my educational prowess.
My sufficiency is of God.
Thank you, Lord! Thank you for being bigger than phonics, bigger than improper fractions, bigger than violin practice x 15 minutes per day x 3 wiggly boys. Thank you that you are even bigger than my delusions of scheduling grandeur.
I am slowly learning that I don't have to have everything all figured out in order to take the next step. God is faithful to provide for us when we step out in obedience to what He has called us to do. I am reminded of Peter, stepping out in faith to walk to Jesus over the waves. He was climbing out in faith and obedience. He was right where the Lord had called him to be. But he still got overwhelmed. He still took his eyes off of Christ. He started to sink like a rock. Just because I'm certain I am where I need to be, doesn't mean I'm out of danger or am actually prepared to keep my eyes on the Lord, regardless of the tempest around me. This is why I'm not ready for this new school year. This is why I will never be ready. I'll never be prepared for every eventuality. I will never be enough. And I love it that way!
When I am weak, He is strong on my behalf.
Ready or not, Academic Year 2016/2017, here we come!