Monday, May 12, 2014

It's Okay

I am tired.

Really tired.

Sick and tired of being tired.

Too tired to take any of the chirrupy advice found in my various and sundry "depression" and "encouragement" posts.

I know my attitude stinks.  I know I have behaved abominably to the people I love most.  I know I am not walking very close to God right now.

I don't know what's for dinner.  I don't know why Ana cries and projectile vomits like a Soviet warhead.  I don't know who attacked the couch cushions with preschool safety scissors. 

I am uncertain how, when or if I should proceed with potty training.  It is unclear what I should do about finishing up school.  I am undecided whether church camp is worth the effort this year.

But I am confident to my very core it is going to be okay.

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
Isaiah 40:11

This verse is getting taped to my mirror.

I don't know what I need to perk myself up.  A shower or bubble bath? Coffee or filtered water?  Chocolate or apples?  A day off or a day cleaning?  Valium or Vitamin D?  Exercise or a nap? 

I do know  that my Shepherd will lead me.  He's got this.  He cares about the weakest and most vulnerable.  One day, one hour, one breath at a time, He can show me what to do next.

I just have to ask.