Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Of Epidurals and Hospitality - Nesting:Day 3-

After a Manic Monday and Truculent Tuesday, we invariably stumble into a Moderate Wednesday.   (I couldn't find a suitable W word, it happens sometimes.)  I think being out late after a day of frenzied activity lends itself to the lethargy and grumpiness of Tuesday.  Since we do stay home and have a normal evening most Tuesdays, it helps start Wednesday on a more realistic footing.  Of course, being out late on Wednesdays usually makes Thursdays rough.  That's life, I suppose.  It helps to remember each day what is normal for Tuesday is vastly different than what I can expect out of Fridays.

I did end Tuesday on a good note.  While listening to the spirited debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye the Science Guy, I also completed my online epidural registration.  This is something I have really been putting off.  Maybe it's because I hate having to shell out a $200 down payment.  It's just a cold reminder that the rest of the bill will be exorbitant too.  Maybe because this is the first time I have EVER gone into the birthing process with a scheduled, medicated birth pre-determined.  This just does not seem very romantic to my spontaneous, hippie self.  I much prefer to have a "labor of opportunity" experience.  Which basically means anything could happen.  I might be induced, but it better be a last minute, unscheduled induction.  I might use my epidural, or I might not.  Who knows?  The lack of official planning spells c-o-n-t-r-o-l for me.  Whereas agreeing beforehand to a "cookie cutter" process means that I will have no control whatsoever.  As soon as they get the IV in and the membranes ruptured, I'm on the clock.  And with the epidural in place, not only will I get blessed numbness, but I will lose all autonomy.  I will be literally stuck in bed, unable to move my legs or change position on my own.  No control over my bladder, no pushups to help the baby move into a more favorable position.  If labor stalls or the babe shows signs of decels, it's off to the operating room for me.  Now, I have had two epidurals before, and the worst that happened is that one was not totally effective.  But those were opportunistic epidurals, in the heat of labor I knew that was what I wanted.  This is a calculated decision, made at least a year ago, before I ever even became pregnant.  And, for some reason, it makes me really uncomfortable.  Of course it's the right decision.  I don't want to relive all that happened after Elle's birth.  Just writing this is causing me to shake.  I am hoping this will be (as cliched as it sounds) a "healing birth".  The epidural makes sense.  It's being prepared for the worst and hoping for the best.  It's being comfortable, mostly pain free and able watch TV (oh, no I won't!  I am still determined to make this a sacred experience) .  And... it's done.

I also cleaned out my purse, not quite as gut wrenching as registering for the epidural.  But almost.

Today I mustered the minions and we blitzed through my bedroom.  *Note to self* If you ever need to get small boys excited about cleaning, ask them to move the furniture.  We/they moved every piece of furniture weighing less than 80lbs, picked up all the used tissues and legos left behind, discovered a few lost treasures, vaccumed, dusted, changed light bulbs, put away and threw away ruthlessly, moved the furniture back in, set up the bassinet next to my side of the bed, lovingly placed a blanket and stuffed animal in it and lit a candle.

Aaaahhh.  It feels good in here now.

I was ruminating the why's and wherefore's of nesting this morning.  Is it an evolved instinct for providing and protecting our young?  Or is the ultimate in hospitality?  See, it's kind of like when I have guests in my home.  If I know in advance they are coming, I feel it essential to make preparations of  some sort.  The longer advance notice I have, the greater the preparation.  At the very least, I want my guests to have a clean bathroom, and glass of tea.  If you are very lucky, you might get dinner and -just maybe- dessert!  It's the least I can to do to show you how happy I am you are in my home.  On the other hand, I just adore last minute visitors!  If you can come as you are and accept me and my messy home as we are, we'll have a grand time.  Not my fault if everything isn't spotless.  Or if we're out of everything and I have to pull out leftovers.  I'm just glad you're here.

So, I've had 9 months notice of the arrival of a Very Important Person.  A little person who will join our home permanently.  I want to make her welcome.  I want to include all the siblings (and dad!) in making preparation for this gift from God.  It's the least we can do to show our joy and gratitude for the small individual who is, Ana.