Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Emergency Room or Emergency Muffins, Take Your Pick

Yep, I am really slowing down folks.  If I were a two toed sloth, I would be growing green fur about now.  This is the fourth day in a row I have eschewed school for more "practical" studies.  Like imparting folding-wash-cloth skills and loading-the-dishwasher prowess to my minions, uh, I mean students.

Truth be told, I really haven't spent a lot of time sitting down.  The past seven days I've been too busy running around the zoo, mall, bowling alley, church and the occasional emergency room.

Yeah, we were back in the ER Sunday afternoon.  Dee swallowed and a quarter just happened to jump down his throat and lodge in his esophagus.  He could breathe but absolutely could not swallow, was in a lot of pain and was totally panicked.  I was verging on panic too.  Our first impulse was to get him to swallow down some water, but that quickly turned to fear that the coin would shift and block his airway.


I grabbed Cy to help keep Dee calm and we made it out to the car and on our way to Urgent Care in record time.  Poor Dee was in agony.  Every stop light he would moan, "Why did the light have to be red?  Why did you make a wrong turn?  How long will it take?"  I kept urging him not to cry, as that would just make his throat swell tighter.

Upon arriving at Urgent Care, I left Cy and Dee at the front door while I quickly parked the car.  When I got up to the front door, Dee was full on vomiting, alarming a nurse who was walking through the parking lot as well.  I left him with his brother in the bathroom while I spoke to the nurse at the front desk.  She said there was nothing they could do for him there except take x rays.  We would be better off at the Emergency Room.

Poor Dee.  He was so disappointed to have to get right back in the car again.  This time I turned my hazard lights on and hit the gas.  By this point I was really wishing we had called an ambulance.  I really thought that Urgent Care could take care of it much faster than calling and waiting on an ambulance would take.  As I hit 90 MPH on the BA Expressway, I recalled my dad's days as a first responder in Bridgecreek.  I guess I was deep in thought and totally forgot the quickest way to St Francis.  Dee in the backseat was groaning, "Why did you go this way?  This isn't the fastest way to go!"  As long as he was complaining I knew that he could breathe...

The ER was packed.  Thankfully, they were able to get him in within 30 minutes.  But let me tell ya, the ER waiting room has got to be the loneliest place on the planet.  You feel completely alone and uncared for.  You could die in a corner, while watching Dr Oz, before anyone would know.

Anyways, to make a long story somewhat shorter, eventually Dee was comfortably ensconced in a room watching the Dukes of Hazzard 35th Anniversary Marathon.  X rays were taken, which showed there was definitely a quarter stuck somewhere in the vicinity of his esophageal sphincter and it was turned just enough to allow him to breathe and vomit (which he was still doing at intervals).  An ENT specialist was called in, Dee was put under anesthesia and the offending coin retrieved.  An entourage of loving prayer warriors showed up in the surgery waiting hallway (the waiting room was locked for the weekend)  We prayed and laughed and passed the time until they called us back to recovery.  Thank you so much, Pastor J C, Gary, Billy, Brenda, Linzi, Dan and Susan!  Humongous thanks to Clint and Joanna for taking care of the kids for us!  We love you guys so much!!

A large bowl of ice cream and a good night's sleep later, Dee was back to bouncing on the furniture.  Thank you, God for a little boy who can still bounce and make messes and make the funniest faces!  When I asked him "WHY DID YOU SWALLOW A QUARTER?!!!"  He philosophically replied, "I don't know?  I swallowed and there just happened to be a quarter in my mouth."

Weird

So, that brings me to today.  A sore and worn out blimpy shadow of the mama that clicked down the hallways all evening in heels and pearl earrings to save her baby.  A mama that has not brushed her hair all day.  A mama that for the life of her cannot manage to get to the store and pick up a few odds and ends.  A mama that can hardly form coherent answers to her hungry brood's demands for breakfast.  A mama that turns to the most amazing, time saving, maybe even life saving muffin batter known to man in order to put food on the table before noon, thus calling it "breakfast".

Yes, a muffin batter.

You mix this simple batter together, store in the 'fridge for up to 6 weeks and Bam! at the drop of a hat you can have muffins in the oven within 3 minutes.  Any time, night or day.  And they are delicious!  Muffin mix is a thing of the past.

Life Saving Bran Muffin Batter

1 box bran flakes (or raisin bran or any other healthy type cereal)
3 c sugar
5 c flour
5 tsp baking soda
4 c buttermilk (I make my own with powdered milk and adding a spoon of vinegar)
2 tsp salt
4 beaten eggs
1 cup oil

Mix the dry ingredients, add in cereal.  Mix wet ingredients and combine all together.  Stir just until moistened.  Store, covered in a plastic or glass container (NOT METAL) for up to 6 weeks in the refrigerator.  When ready to use, grease muffin tin, spoon in desired amount of batter.  Bake at 400 15-20 minutes while you take a shower, get dressed or otherwise save the day