It's that time.
My world is currently revolving around a bladder. Two bladders, to be precise. Because a pregnant, eight month bladder is functioning at the same level as a training, two year old bladder.
And let me tell you, two year old bladders can be rather tyrannical. Much like Marie Antoinette, the possesor of said bladder expects instant obedience and servants that cater to her every whim. Might I be in the middle of lunch? I can eat cake AFTER I take her to the potty.
I dutifully take her highness to the royal comode. She sits on her throne all of 3.8 seconds and then declares herself finished.
"No, not yet, just sit there a minute longer" I implore.
"Done NOW!!" She screeches while simultaneously pulling the most pathetic face I have yet seen. And since I'm hungry and anxious to get back to my meal, I give in.
3 bites into my congealing soup...
"POTTTTTTTYYYYYYY. Have to go NNNNNOOOOWWWW!!!!!!"
"No you don't. I just took you and you couldn't go. You can wait."
But alas and alack, her red faced distress gets the better of me once more. I know I smell something. She probably really does need to go. If I can only get. one. more. bite. of. soup.
OK, OK, I give up, let's go do this one more time. I have to go myself, anyways.
We sprint to the bathroom, which is rather hard on my eight month pregnant bladder.
It's too late.
Which is why I have recorded here for potty training posterity 10 helpful activities you can do whilst your little one is one the potty. The main purpose is to pass time in hopes that by purest coincidence there might be that one success that will keep you hopping like a trained monkey for the next 3 months until the elusive potty mastery has been achieved.
1. Do jumping jacks while singing the alphabet. Educational exercise entertains. Need I say more?
2. Clip her toe nails. Then, clip your own toe nails. Oh, the joy of tiny pink clippers!
3. Sing through the Wee Sing Nursery Rhyme Book. Twice.
4. Name all the body parts, in Spanish.
5. Wash the mirror and sink.
6. Read a gripping picture book in which a fluffy but ditzy chick manages to get itself hopelessly lost within seconds of hatching. Be warned, there is a graphic scene where the chick, paralyzed with despair is nearly eaten by the know-it-all farmyard collie. Wait, did I just make that part up? Oh well, she can't read yet...
7. Write the prologue to the Great American Novel.
8. Scrub suspicious yellow stains off the baseboards.
9. Apply a bit of makeup.
10. Extol the virtues of the Disney Princesses, particularly the ones that take themselves to the potty.