I knew it within a few seconds of waking up this morning.
I'm officially depressed.
I've been wondering if maybe I was tumbling down the slippery slope these past few weeks.
I've been grasping whatever handholds I could. Trying to fix my admittedly bad attitudes towards certain circumstances. Trying to focus on the good, enjoy the season, love my family, focus on how wonderful God is.
But this morning I went over the edge.
Immediately on waking I noticed that I was uncharecteristically fuzzy headed. Not your normal, I-haven't-had-my-coffee-yet fuzziness. But an unreal, hardening cement sort of sludge.
Coffee didn't help.
It made it worse.
I also wasted considerable time talking to myself about pregnancies past.
Never a good sign.
I neglected husband and children, locking myself in my room to compulsively read every single blog post about all my past pregnancies.
Looking worse and worse.
I was also feeling flushed and feverish. Last year I battled a mysterious "fever" that (in hindsight) also co-incided with my worst depression.
The last few months though, I have finally achieved a consistent, normal temperature.
Today it's 100.1
I do have a parachute, however. Time for me to deploy it.
The first thing I did was google "sugar and depression" I have definitely fallen off the sugar-free wagon. Could this be the cause?
Here is the link I found: Why Sugar Is Dangerous To Depression
So, starting now, this moment, I am cutting off all sugar. Tomorrow I will go to WalMart and stock up on Nectresse, sugar free candy, ice cream and chocolate syrup. I will also stock up on more fruit, veggies, yogurt and nuts to snack on. I will avoid aspartame. I will also begin exercising more. Really, I will!
I hope this works. Last time it took me nearly a year to recognize the connection between sugar and my depressing muddleheadedness. I hope and pray this can be reversed much more quickly this time.
Stay tuned for updates. I'm way too scared to take anti depressants. Particularly while pregnant. Sam-e might be an option, but I'd rather tough it out until Reindeer gets here. Only 3 months to go! And I'm seriously considering placental encapsulation.